Has Anyone Tried Gary?

We woke up this morning and thought “What a great day for a BBQ.”  It was raining and it was extremely blustery.

“It was always going to do this today,” conceded Andrew.

As usual, the baked goods from the Softley house were “last-minute-warm”, but at least we had the batteries for “Bop It”.  At 3.45pm we left, armed with all the accoutrements for a BBQ, including an avocado: The Vegan “Grey Area”. We also had the cooking utensils but, as it turned out, not the skewers for the Souvlaki.  How Remiss?

Moments away from the allotments, I saw Sam.  So I called “Sam”.  She turned around and waved but didn’t wait for me.  That hurt.

She was, however, waiting at the gate and she told me that Steve had been her personal weather forecaster:  “It’s sunny in Parbold right now – you should be ok…”  We guessed he was on lock-down in the scout camp.

Whilst Andrew returned to the house to get the aforementioned skewers, Barney and Sam went to check out the BBQ (Steve being noticeable by his absence).  Barney and Sam went to cast their “expert” eyes over the state of the coals and Barney declared “Thunderbirds are Go.” But Sam and Linda decided that the coals needed longer so thankfully no one interfered with the cooking of the food and therefore didn’t ruin everything.

It was windy.  Plates were weighed down with anything heavy and Kirsty’s suggestion of paper plate usage was laughed out of town.  Andrew fashioned a useful holder comprising a plastic wine container inside a mug – it became the way forward.  Several things blew over which made Sam apoplectic with puerile laughter.  It was to do with the tzatziki.

There was a plethora of lovely things: mini soda breads, sausages, Linda’s pork skewers with her finest peanut sauce, kebabs of all kinds and a mix of sauces and dips.  And Halloumi – Sam nearly panicked when she thought there wasn’t any.

As always, thoughts turned to the intellectual: who would be the best PM – Boris or Michael (neither, we decided).  What was the best series to watch?  Game of Thrones?  Killing Eve?  Line of Duty?  Years and Years?  Some weird comedy that Sam had watched about vampires.  People covered their ears at different times as each series was mentioned to ensure there were no spoilers (there were no spoilers).  

Then we considered the “thinking” that modern teenagers do.  Did we think that the thinking that they think they are thinking is the thinking that we recognise as thinking or is a different type of thinking?  We thought that it was “different” not “better”.

Conversation then turned to bomb making and drugs and Polenta.  Sam doesn’t like Polenta.  Linda asked “Has anyone tried Gary?”  We went through our mental lists and none of us had.  We tried to imagine a baby called Gary and then we had a “Bop It” contest.  Barney won.

As we tidied up, the men talked about sheds and things and we (the ladies) discussed camels and what they eat and whether there is any reason why we don’t drink horse milk.  Bernie couldn’t remember the taste (or the point) of camel milk and my phone told me that they eat grass but “in the desert, food is scarce”.  We knew that fact.

Cups of tea were served and Linda wondered if Barney would notice that his tea had “gone missing”.  Linda touched a Hobnob, which meant she had to eat it.

We all walked home.

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